Lovingly Always

This is a post I wrote for Lent on the theme of repentance for my gap year program

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Seven o’clock on a Friday night, I was staring at my phone while sitting in my car. My heart was pounding as I dialed the ten digits I was once so familiar with. As the phone rang, I wished I hadn’t made the call. After about the fourth ring, a confused “hello?” greeted me. I waited much too long to give a response before feebly saying “hi.” Another long, awkward pause later, I began to spill my guts, speaking much too quickly. It was a conversation I had been simultaneously dreading and anticipating. I wanted the freedom that this would give my soul, but I was absolutely terrified of the response. A basic recap of this conversation would be, “Hi ……. Um, I’m really sorry for the way I handled things after our break up, and before our break up, and just in general. I didn’t treat you properly and I should’ve made this call a long time ago and um I hope you’re doing well and that you could forgive me.” Not eloquent, not beautiful, just a nerve-filled admission of wrongdoing and a request for forgiveness. But ever since that day, I have had such peace. Not just in regards to that person and circumstance, but in all situations of repentance. I was so terrified to make that phone call, I was so scared of what he would say. But I put my heart on the line, and all I can assume is that he knew that and knew that what I had said I meant sincerely. Why else would he have forgiven me? The beautiful illustration with that is that there is no guesswork when it come to Christ. You can’t catch Jesus at a bad time to repent. You can’t lie about your sincerity to Jesus. You don’t have to question whether He loves you or will forgive you. You already know that He paid the ultimate price for you. You already know that He loves you. You already know that He knows your heart. So run to Him, repent, for all your sins will be forgiven. He is just waiting to say, ‘I forgive you. Go and sin no more.’ All you need to do is ask.