Lovingly Always

Hey guys ! This blog post comes to straight from my dorm room at the greatest university there ever was, the University of Oklahoma. *Cue Boomer Sooner playing in the background* Yup, I did it, I went back to school! I moved in last Sunday, and I’m here now taking classes and eating pizza for breakfast and doing other college-y things. Here’s the part where I’m supposed to say I’m totally loving it and everything is amazing and my gap year totally and fully prepared me for everything.

But momma didn’t raise a liar, and if I did say all of that stuff I would be lying. Hint, college is actually really hard. I’m not even speaking academically. Finding friends, finding the people you love and want to be your best friends for the rest of your life is hard. It doesn’t just happen over night, as much as I wish it did. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t called my boyfriend every night telling him how much I miss having all my people in one little house all living together and loving each other. Going to college is the biggest change most people will ever go through in their lives. Your whole life up until this point, at the very least you’ve at least always had your parents or your siblings or your dog or even your fish to come home to. Now you’re in some city you don’t know, with a bunch of people you’ve never met before, trying to figure out how to do this big scary thing and start the rest of your life.

I totally thought when I moved here that everything would be soooooo easy for me because I did a gap year. I’ve lived on my own before, I’ve lived with strangers before. It was supposed to be easy. I was wrong, It’s not easy. Don’t get me wrong ! I absolutely love my roommate and all the friends I’ve made since I’ve moved in. But the big difference is they don’t really me. When I was in my gap year program, sure I didn’t really know most of them, but we had one HUGE thing in common. We all decided to take a year of our lives to pursue Christ. It was really easy to be close with them, for them to become my family, because we all shared one of the biggest defining characteristics of ourselves: our faith.

Now that I’m no longer in what I call the “camp bubble”, it’s almost a shock to me that I don’t have much in common with most people. I also entirely forgot that a lot of people think it’s weird to spend a year focused on growing your faith. It honestly shouldn’t be that much of a shock to me as I did lose friends on the front end of the program, because many of my friends thought I was making an irresponsible decision. I honestly thought that view would be behind me, but, as I have come to learn, just because I grew a lot in the past year, that doesn’t mean others have too.

So this isn’t some post all wrapped up in a pretty bow saying “oh! now I know how to do college and find my people!” because I don’t and I don’t think I will ever 100% figure that out. This is just me saying, here I am. I’m at school now, and it’s hard, and that’s okay.

Life is going to be hard. If you’re always comfortable, you aren’t growing. If you’re always comfortable, you’re probably doing something wrong. If you’re uncomfortable, you’re growing into the person you’re supposed to be. Stagnation isn’t healthy. Especially in college, the four years where you’re supposed to grow the most.

So it’s okay to not constantly be around people. It’s okay to go to church by yourself. It’s okay to be homesick. It’s okay to miss the things you’ve left behind. It’s okay to feel totally lost. It’s COMPLETELY okay to get lost on your way home from class every single day for a whole week. It’s okay. Because no matter how lost you feel, or how lost you literally are, God is with you wherever you go. Even your college campus.

Lovingly Always and Boomer Sooner,

MH

Your Spirit is everywhere I go.
    I cannot escape your presence.
If I go up to heaven, you will be there.
    If I go down to the place of death, you will be there.
If I go east where the sun rises
    or go to live in the west beyond the sea,
even there you will take my hand and lead me.
    Your strong right hand will protect me.

Psalm 139: 7-10

(P.s. I got this scripture from Church today, when I went by myself. Can you tell the Holy Spirit was looking out for me ?)